


Unbroken

by ohsnapitzalli



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-09
Updated: 2015-11-21
Packaged: 2018-04-30 18:48:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5175500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohsnapitzalli/pseuds/ohsnapitzalli
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hope is suspended and has to figure out how to fix her life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so I've been working on this since like a week after Hope was suspended...it just took me that long to finish it. It's finished so I'll post every week for the next 5 weeks unless you guys like it enough that you can pursued me to post sooner. Anyways I hope you like it and as always comments are appreciated. Thanks for reading!

I walk out of my meeting with Jill with my shoulders slumped and my head down. In some ways I know she’s right. I need to get my act together and I feel bad for disappointing the coaching staff but most importantly my teammates and the fans. But honestly not everything that happened has been my fault, in fact most of it wasn’t. Not that I don’t take responsibility – I do, I just know that it’s complicated and I hope my teammates understand that too.

The domestic abuse case was ridiculous. I never thought my family would betray me like that. They just wanted their fifteen minutes of fame but why did it have to be at my expense? But I guess Jill is right about the thing with Jeremy. I shouldn’t have gotten in the car. We had both been drinking and it was a team van. I just don’t know what to do without soccer.

Soccer is my escape, the only place I truly feel safe and I have to miss two games right before the World Cup.

I’m so lost in my own head that I don’t notice Kelley until she reaches out to touch my wrist. I jump slightly but relax when my eyes focus on her.

I sigh, “Hey Kell.”

“What’s wrong Hope?” she asks, and although I’ll never admit it I love how easily she can read me.

“I’ve been suspended” I say simply, not bothering to sugar coat it.

“Because of the Jeremy thing?” she asks.

I look at her and although I know she can see the answer in my eyes I still tell her, “Not entirely, but it was the last straw.”

She places her hand on top of mine and I look down at our hands for a few seconds before interlocking our fingers. She sighs and I look over at her. I can see her having an internal battle, she obviously wants to say something.

“Just say it” I tell her, sinking down against the wall until I’m sitting on the floor with my knees pulled up to my chest, bringing her down with me.

“He’s not good for you” she finally says.

I sigh, she’s right and I know that but he’s all I’ve got.

“He’s all I’ve got” I say, reaching to pull my hand back but Kelley squeezes my hand and doesn’t let me pull away.

“No he’s not. You have the whole team. We love you and we’ll help you if you let us. And you have me. You’ve always had me” Kelley says and for once I actually believe her.

I feel myself breaking down so I stand suddenly, pulling her up with me and duck into the nearest room – a small conference room. As soon as the door closes the tears start. Kelley wraps me in a hug and I cling to her shirt, ashamed that I’m letting her see me like this. Weak.

“I don’t know what to do” I say and Kelley just holds me.

After a few seconds I calm down enough to pull back a little. I wipe my face with my sweatshirt sleeve before looking over at Kelley.

“Just take care of yourself. Don’t worry about anyone else. Do what’s best for _you_ ” she tells me.

“I don’t want to hurt anyone” I say, sighing as I move to sit in one of the chairs.

“ _You’re_ getting hurt. So forget about Jeremy’s feelings for a second. If he’s not good for you or if he’s standing in the way of you getting your life back together then you need to do what’s best for you, not what’s best for him. I’m going to give you my opinion, you can agree or disagree but this is what I think – he’s not good for you. I don’t think you should stay with him but if you decide not to stay with him that needs to be your decision because it’s what’s best for you. Use this suspension to take a step back from everything. Clear your head and figure out what you need to do to get back to soccer.”

I don’t say a word the entire time Kelley is talking even though I want to tell her that Jeremy isn’t the person I’m worried about hurting. I can tell she’s worried about me but I don’t really know what to do. She’s right though, I need to figure this out for myself.

“Thanks Kell” I finally say, not knowing what else to say.

We stay in the conference room until dinner. After dinner I head up to my room to pack my bag. I say my goodbyes to the team, saving Carli and Kelley for last. Most of the team looks genuinely sad to see me leaving and some people offer me words of encouragement to get back to the team soon. Carli tells me she’ll see me soon and the way she says it I can tell that she is telling me that I better get my shit together and get back to the team as soon as my suspension is over. After I finish my goodbyes a team van takes me to the airport and drops me off.

As I’m sitting on the plane I think back to six years ago when no one stood behind me. Now I have an entire team behind me and for a while I even had the federation standing up for me. Everyone on the team stood by me through the whole court case and I let them down. I know it wasn’t easy for them to stand with me, every interview they did asked about me but they never complained and I’m so grateful to them for it. I owe it to them to get my act together and get back to the team one hundred percent mentally and physically ready to compete. I don’t want to let them down again.

Eventually my thoughts drift to what Kelley said about Jeremy. She’s right, at least to some degree. I’ve had a lot more issues since marrying him and a lot of bad press involving him, but he is good company…when we aren’t fighting. Maybe I’ll start with a separation, see how it goes, give us both some space. It’s not like I really miss him when I’m travelling with the team anyways.

When I get back to Seattle Jeremey isn’t there. I don’t know where he went after getting arrested in LA, I haven’t talked to him since. I head to bed, exhausted from the day’s events.

The next morning I wake up refreshed and ready to start moving forward. Jeremey still isn’t home but I find that I don’t really mind, making my decision to call my lawyer to have separation papers drawn up that much easier. Kelley’s right, my relationship with him isn’t healthy but she doesn’t know the full extent of the problems. After I get off the phone with my lawyer I go around the house, gathering up all of the alcohol. Once I have it all I dump it down the sink. Alcohol won’t help me get my life together, it’ll only make it harder. 

I spend the next couple of days relaxing but keeping up my fitness. I know that I need to stay out of the news for a while and so far I’m doing pretty well. I’m sitting in my favorite chair reading when Jeremy storms in with a pile of papers in his hand.

“What the hell is this?” he asks, storming over to me.

“You can read Jeremy. I need a break” I say sighing as I put my book down. I can see the fight coming and I find myself unconsciously cringing.

“A break from what?” he yells, much closer to me this time. I’m trying not to let him see the fear in my eyes but I know that he can sense how uneasy I am. I know he wouldn’t seriously hurt me; that would lead to too many questions, but he would hit me and it wouldn’t be the first time.

“You. Everything. Just please leave.” I say, hoping to avoid a fight but tightening my grip on my phone just in case.

“Fuck you Hope” he says before walking out, slamming the door behind him.

I sigh in relief when the door closes and glance down at my phone, realizing that the number I pulled up to call is Kelley. My finger hits call before I really know what I’m doing and suddenly the phone is ringing. I’m about to hang up when she answers.

“Hello” she says.

I don’t answer for a few seconds so she tries again, “Hope?” she says and I can picture her pulling back to check the caller id.

“Uh yeah, hey Kell” I finally say.

“Are you okay?” Kelley asks and I feel bad for worrying her.

“Yeah I’m fine. Jeremy just left” I say, deciding that I called her so now I might as well tell her what’s going on.

“Um ok?” she says, not quite getting what I mean.

“I mean he left, left” I say, hoping that she’ll figure it out. She does.

“Oh! Are you okay?” she asks.

“Yeah I’m fine. It was my idea. We aren’t getting divorced yet, just separated.”

“Well I’m proud of you Hope. You’ll be back with the team in no time.”

“Thanks squirrel.” I tease, trying to lighten the mood. I’m not ready to tell her the full story yet.

“Whatever don’t give me your bitch face” she says, teasing me back.

I smile, realizing how much I miss her even though it’s only been a few days. Kelley has a calming effect on me, she always has.

“When do you leave for France?” I ask, changing the subject.

“Monday. I wish you were coming with us.”

“Me too but like you said I’ll be back soon.”

“You better be” she jokes and I smile.

We talk for another 30 minutes or so before Kelley has to go. After I get off the phone with Kelley I’m in a good mood that carries through my day. I spend the next few days relaxing, going to the gym, and staying away from anything that could turn into a potentially bad situation.

 


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm impatient and you guys seemed to like it so here's chapter two. Chapter three should be up Sunday. Let me know what you think :)
> 
> p.s. I realize that I ignored the fact that there is a time difference between the U.S. and France but I really didn't feel like figuring out what that difference was and then incorporating it into the story so we're just going to pretend it doesn't exist :P

Unbroken

I’m on the 18th day of my suspension and it’s game day. The team is playing France today and I’ve got my TV set up to cheer them on from my couch since I can’t be there in person. Luckily, Pinoe is going to come over and watch with me since she is on the final week of her rehab after her knee injury but she isn’t supposed to be here for another two hours. To help pass the time, I decide to call a couple of the girls to wish them good luck. First I send out a tweet to show my support of the team from home:

@hopesolo: Good luck to my teammates today against France! Shout out to @Ashlyn_Harris I’m proud of you. You deserve this! #USWNT

Ashlyn is at the top of my list of people to call. I know that she gets nervous before games but she needs to know that she deserves this and she didn’t just get the start because I was suspended. I press dial and wait for her to answer.

“Hello” Ashlyn says and Hope can tell from the tone of her voice that she didn’t check the caller id before answering.

“Hey Ashlyn” I say, suddenly nervous.

“Oh hey Hope, how are you?” she says.

“I’m good, I just wanted to call and wish you good luck and make sure you know that you deserve this. You’ve worked your ass off for this start and I want you to know that I’m proud of you” I say, remembering why I called in the first place.

“Thanks Hope, that means a lot” Ashlyn says and I smile.

“You’re welcome, now go kick some ass for me” I joke.

Ashlyn laughs, “Alright, I’ll talk to you later. It was good to hear from you Hope.”

“You too Harris. Good luck” I say.

“Thanks, bye.” Ashlyn says and I hear the call disconnect a few seconds later.

That wasn’t too bad, I think. I take a deep breath, my finger hovering over Kelley’s name for a few seconds before I finally press call.

“Hey Hope!” Kelley says brightly when she answers on the second ring.

“Hey Kell, how are you?” I ask, smiling at the sound of her voice.

“I’m good, excited for the game” Kelley says.

“Good, I’m sure you’ll -” I tell her.

“Hang on a sec” Kelley interrupts and I hear her yell at someone, probably Alex or Tobin.

“Sorry what were you saying?” Kelley asks, coming back on the line.

“Just that I’m sure you’ll do great.” I say, sighing as I realize how much I wish I could be there right now.

“We wish you were here too Hope” Kelley says and I curse myself for being so easy to read.

No one has ever been able to read me as easily as Kelley does and I don’t know how she does it, especially when she can’t even see my face.

“I’ll be back soon” I say, hoping that my voice sounds confident.

“I know you will” Kelley says causing me to smile.

“Okay enough about me, go kick ass for me today okay?” I say, changing the subject.

Kelley laughs, I love the sound of her laugh, I think – wait, what?!

“I’ll try” Kelley says, her voice interrupting my mini panic attack.

“You better” I joke, hoping that for once I can hide my emotions from her, “Now I’m sure you have to go get ready.”

“I can talk for a little bit” Kelley says but I know she’s lying.

“I know you’re lying Kell, I’m fine. Pinoe should be here soon anyways.” I tell her.

“Okay, I’ll talk to you tonight” Kelley says happily.

“Good luck, bye Kell” I say.

“Bye Hope” Kelley says, hanging up the phone.

As soon as the call ends I slink down to the floor. What the hell? I don’t like Kelley do I? I can’t. I have to focus on getting back on the team right now. I don’t have time to be thinking about whether or not I have feelings for a teammate. Shit. She’s my teammate. Nothing can happen. Not only could I hurt her but it could ruin my chances of staying on the team. And I know the team would take her side if anything happened between the two of us, she’s more likeable and everyone wants to protect her. No, nothing can happen. Besides she probably doesn’t like me anyways. Wait, I don’t even know if I like her.

My thoughts are interrupted by the doorbell ringing and I get up to let Pinoe in, glad for the distraction and entertainment she’s sure to provide.

Pinoe succeeds in distracting me from my feelings for Kelley but only until the game starts. It does not go well. I wish more than anything that I could be there with the team. I feel so useless sitting here on my couch a whole ocean away. I can tell that Pinoe feels the same way. I’m still holding out hope that we can walk away with the win at half time but only if we can get it together.

“Well that isn’t going too well” Pinoe says as the TV cuts to a commercial at half time.

“No it’s not” I say, sighing, “We just aren’t connecting.”

“Alex is frustrated” Pinoe says.

“I know. She needs to relax.” I reply.

We continue to talk about the game throughout half time but once the second half starts we both go silent. We both groan when France scores in the 50th minute. I don’t blame Ashlyn though, that was a perfectly placed ball and I don’t think I would have been able to save it either. Pinoe covers her face and my jaw drops when France scores again in the 51st minute. That cross never should have gotten across the face of the goal and it was a lucky bend. Sure, maybe Ash could have read it better but I don’t know that I would have done any better. And even if I thought Ashlyn had misjudged it I wouldn’t tell her that, she needs to be confident in herself if she’s going to get better and I am confident in her ability. She’s a good keeper. The game ends without us scoring and although I’m disappointed I know that we can get over this hurdle. We have to put it behind us and use it to be ready for Canada.

Pinoe leaves not long after the game ends and I decide to give everyone some space. I know that I told Kelley I would talk to her tonight but I can’t bring myself to call her. I need some space to figure out what I’m feeling and she needs some time to digest the loss and the fact that she didn’t play.

 

 

 

I wake up in the middle of the night, startled by my phone ringing. I fumble for the phone in the dark, glancing at my alarm clock for the time. 3:12. Who the hell is calling me at 3:12 in the morning? My hand finally closes around the phone and I glance at the display before answering. Kelley. My mind immediately goes to the worst possible place. Someone’s hurt. Kelley is hurt. Something happened.

“Kelley? Are you okay?” I say, sitting up in bed.

“Hope” Kelley slurs and I immediately knows that she’s drunk.

“Kelley it’s 3:00 a.m. why are you drinking?” I ask patiently, knowing that yelling at her isn’t going to get me any answers.

“Everyone else went to bed, I wanted to talk to you” Kelley slurs.

I can hear music in the background, “Kelley where are you?” I ask. If she’s right and everyone went to bed she must be at the hotel right? They wouldn’t leave her at a bar by herself.

“I’m at the hotel, duh” Kelley says.

I sigh, “Where at the hotel Kell?”

“The bar. I think? Hang on” Kelley says and I can hear her ask someone in the room if she’s at the bar. She laughs before getting back on the phone, “yeah I’m at the bar.”

“Kelley I need you to stay right where you are okay? I’m going to call you right back” I say firmly, already contemplating who to call. Not Carli or Abby or Christie. Someone that will take care of her but will be discreet about it. Tobin.

“No don’t leave me Hopey” Kelley whines, interrupting my thoughts.

“I’ll call you back in 5 minutes Kelley I promise. I won’t leave you” I say even though I know that trying to reason with a drunk Kelley isn’t going to get me anywhere.

“I’m going to count your 5 minutes” Kelley slurs.

“5 minutes. I promise” I say and hang up, quickly finding Tobin’s name in my contacts and pressing dial.

“Hope?” Tobin answers groggily.

“Hey Tobin listen I need you to go down to the bar and get Kelley and convince her to come upstairs to bed. Tell her that I’ll get her a new stuffed squirrel if she listens to you. Give her one water and leave a red Gatorade by her bed along with 3 Advils.” I say, quickly listing all of my quick hangover tricks.

“Uh, okay” Tobin says, clearly confused.

“Just go. Please” I practically beg, knowing that Kelley probably really is counting down my five minutes.

“Okay, I’m going” Tobin says and I can hear her getting out of bed.

“Thanks Tobin. I’ll explain tomorrow” I say.

“I’m going to hold you to that” I hear her say before I hang up.

I quickly call Kelley back and she answers on the first ring.

“Hope! I thought you forgot about me!” she slurs loudly.

I sigh, “I would never forget about you Kelley. Now listen, Tobin is coming to get you. If you go with her and do everything she says I’ll get you a new stuffed squirrel and buy you mint ice cream the next time I see you. I’ll even let you snuggle with me when you visit.” I say hoping that I said enough to convince her.

“You’ll let me snuggle with you?!” Kelley practically yells, excited.

I smile, “Yes, but only if you do everything Tobin says.”

“Okay” she says, happily.

“Tobin!” she yells into the phone.

“Okay Kell, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” I say, relieved now that I know she’s safe. Tobin will take care of her.

“Bye Hopey!” she yells before hanging up.

“Bye Kell” I whisper to myself long after she’s hung up.

It takes me hours to fall asleep again that night and when I finally do I dream of Kelley.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's technically Monday...I kinda forgot I was supposed to post this today until just now. But anyways here's the next chapter, hope you like it!

Unbroken

When I wake up the next morning I’m still thinking of Kelley. What is she doing to me? I spend a few minutes just lying in bed, something I _never_ do, trying to decide what to do but the only thing I can come up with is to just wait. Once I’ve convinced myself to wait for Kelley to call me I slowly get out of bed and head to the kitchen. I make myself some coffee and then change into workout clothes, intending on going on a hike to get my mind off of Kelley and last night.

The hike does exactly what I wanted it to do and I’m able to clear my head, if only for a few hours. As I look out at the trees and the natural beauty stretching for miles and miles my thoughts drift from Kelley to Jeremy and why I stayed with him for so long.

Looking back at it now I know that what he did to me was abuse but what I can’t seem to figure out is why it took me so long to figure that out. I didn’t really see it that way until the fight with my sister and nephew. When they tried to take me to trial I finally understood what abuse really was. I didn’t hit them but I started to realize that Jeremy was abusing me.

I had never really thought about it before because my life had never been easy or normal. No one on the Reign or the National Team ever said anything because bruises were a part of being a professional athlete and a goalkeeper specifically. Eventually even I couldn’t tell which bruises were because of him and which were from soccer.

Even now that I understand that what he was doing wasn’t right I still can’t help but think it was my fault, that I deserved it. I never tried to stop him. I mean I guess I did the first time but when I realized that he was stronger than me I never tried again.

I spend a couple hours just sitting at the end of the trail, thinking. Eventually I start to shiver and realize that it’s getting darker out and I should start heading back. When I get back to my house I take a long shower, relishing in the feeling that of hot water running over my emotionally drained body.

I finally step out of the shower and throw on my favorite Nike sweats and an old Huskie sweatshirt over my sports bra. I wander out to the kitchen and feed Leo and Captain Sully. I’ve just opened the fridge, trying to decide what I want to eat when my phone rings. I glance at the caller id and take a deep breath before answering.

“Hey Kelley”

“Hey Hope, listen I’m sorry about last night – I don’t entirely remember what I said but I do know that I shouldn’t have called you so late” Kelley says tiredly.

“It’s fine Kell, you can call me whenever. I’ll always be there” I say, needing her to understand that if nothing else I’m a loyal friend and I’ll always be there for her. I don’t have any luck with relationships but I can do friendships. Or at least I can with Kelley.

“Thanks Hope” Kelley says and I can hear the smile in her voice.

“You’re welcome, now do you want to tell me what happened last night?”

I hear her sigh so I try to ease her mind, “You can tell me anything Kelley.”

“I know” she says, “It’s just, I don’t really know how to explain. I was upset, and angry and I don’t know. I didn’t play and I haven’t been playing and we lost and you aren’t here and it was just too much. I started drinking with the team and then we all came back to the hotel and I made an excuse to go back downstairs and I just kept drinking. I know it wasn’t smart.”

I rub my eyes, I don’t know why Jill hasn’t been playing her but I know it’s stupid. Kelley is one of the best defenders I’ve ever played behind and that’s saying a lot since she was a forward for so long.

“Kelley I don’t know why Jill isn’t playing you but I know that you will have your chance and when you get that chance you need to be ready to show all of the critics that they were wrong to ever doubt you. I’ve never doubted you and you can’t doubt yourself” I say, trying to explain to her how much confidence I have in her abilities as a defender.

“That’s a little hard to do when I barely play” Kelley says.

The defeat in her voice causes me physical pain and I wish I was there just so I could hug her and tell her that she’s wrong – she’s a phenomenal player and always has been.

I sigh, “I know but you have to believe it. I believe in you Kell.”

“Thank you Hope” she says. I can hear the small smile in her voice and it scares me a little how much I know her.

“Anytime”

“So how are you doing?” she asks, her voice sounding lighter.

I sigh, all of my thoughts about Jeremy and my feelings for her, rushing back. This isn’t the time to tell her any of that though. I haven’t told anyone about the stuff with Jeremy and although I know I’ll have to tell Kelley eventually I can’t bring myself to do it now – over the phone when she’s already feeling bad. I must have been silent for too long because Kelley speaks again, worry in her voice.

“Is something wrong?” she asks.

“No” I say slowly, “well not really. I don’t want to talk about it now. I will tell you though – eventually.”

“Okay, I trust you” she says.

She trusts me. I silently vow not to tell her about whatever it is that I’m feeling. I can’t hurt her. It would kill me. And I know that I would hurt her – I’ve hurt everyone I’ve ever loved.

“Thanks – you should get back to the team. I was about to make dinner anyways” I say, suddenly exhausted. I let myself think about things that I’d been burying for so long today and I just want to eat dinner and go to bed.

“Make your mac and cheese” Kelley say.

I smile – yes, mac and cheese sounds perfect, “that sounds perfect. Thanks. I’ll talk to you later Kell.”

“Mac and cheese is always the answer” she says, laughing lightly, “Bye Hope.”

“Bye” I say, hanging up the phone.

I lean back against the counter, just breathing for a few minutes before sighing and moving to start the mac and cheese. I finish eating and fall into my bed, exhausted. I fall asleep quickly, dreaming about Kelley. I can deny my feelings all I want when I’m conscious but my subconscious just keeps reminding me.

 

 

 

The next morning I wake up to my phone ringing and I pick up without checking to see who it was.

“Hello” I say groggily.

“Hey, Hope” I hear and it takes me a couple seconds to recognize Tobin’s voice.

Oh shit. I forgot to call Tobin yesterday. I was supposed to explain the Kelley thing.

“Shit – sorry I was supposed to call you yesterday” I say guiltily.

“Yeah you were but I’m more interested in hearing your explanation before I yell at Kelley for getting drunk the night before we had to travel” Tobin says and I can hear the annoyance in her voice. She must have taken care of Kelley all day. I make a mental note to thank her for that after I explain what happened.

“Well I don’t know the full story so you should probably still talk to Kelley but I’ll tell you what I do know” I say realizing that Kelley really needs to talk to someone who’s actually with her and can do more than I can from across the world.

“Okay I’ll talk to her but I still want to hear your side” Tobin says.

“Okay. She called me really late and I could tell she was drunk. I asked her where she was and finally got her to tell me that she was at the hotel. When I called you all I really knew was that she was at the hotel, drunk and alone. I knew that you would take care of her and wouldn’t get her in trouble so I called you. I only found out why she was drinking last night.” I tell her, trying to make her understand why I called her of all people.

“Okay why was she drinking?” Tobin asks.

“She was upset about the game. She hasn’t been getting the playing time we both know she deserves lately so she was upset and scared that she was going to lose her place on the team. I guess she just decided to drown her fears in alcohol instead of talking to someone but don’t worry I already explained to her why that was a bad idea” I say, choosing to leave out the part where Kelley said that she was upset that I wasn’t there.

I hear Tobin sigh on the other end of the phone, “I wish she would’ve just talked to me.”

“Me too but I understand where she’s coming from. It’s frustrating to be on the team but not be playing. Trust me I understand it. Keepers have it the worst. I helped Ashlyn with it a year or so ago.” I tell her. She needs to understand that it’s hard to talk about.

“I get it. I’ll talk to her and hopefully she won’t do anything like that again.” Tobin says and I smile. Kelley really does have amazing friends.

“Thanks Tobin. I’m glad she has friends like you” I say sincerely.

“You’re a good friend too Hope. And I hope you know that I consider you a friend too. Everyone here cares about you.”

I smile. I’ve always known that the team likes me and I was starting to see that they genuinely care about me when they all stood by me during the whole domestic abuse thing but to hear someone actually say it is a whole different story. Suddenly I realize that even though my real family is fucked up and doesn’t act like a family I still have a family. The team is my family.

“Thank you Tobin. That means a lot.” I say, trying to hide the fact that my voice is shaking.

“You’re welcome Hope. We’re all waiting for you to get back.”

“I’ll be back soon. In the meantime kick England’s asses for me okay?”

Tobin laughs, “Sure dude.”

“Good, I’ll talk to you later?” I ask.

“Definitely. Bye Hope” Tobin says.

“Bye” I say, clicking end.

I lean back against my pillow, letting the phone fall out of my hand onto the bed. I close my eyes, the ghost of a smile still on my lips as I think about how important this team is to me. I need to get my life together so I can get back to them. Back to where I belong.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry I forgot to post this on Wednesday so to make up for it here's the last 2 chapters. Hope you like them!

I spend the next couple days working out and setting up my first appointment with a therapist that I found through my agent. I haven’t talked to anyone on the team in a few days but today is game day and I know that I’ll have to talk to at least some of them today.

I decide not to call Ashlyn this time, she can handle this game and she knows that I have faith in her – now she just needs to believe in herself. I don’t call Kelley either because I’m sure that I’ll talk to her after the game and I want her to focus on the team but I decide that it’s time for me to call Carli.

I haven’t talked to her since my suspension was announced and I know that it’s going to be a difficult conversation. I know that Carli will always stand by me but I also know that I fucked up this time and she won’t hesitate to call me out on it. I’m disappointed in myself for letting Carli down. She’s the only one who’s been by my side since day one and always defended me but this time I let myself spiral out of control and I’m afraid she isn’t going to forgive me.

_Relax, you’re Hope Solo. You can do this_ , I tell myself before taking a deep breath and pressing Carli’s name on my contacts.

“Hello” Carli says, answering after the second ring.

“Hey Princess” I say hesitantly.

“Hope – how are you?” Carli asks.

She doesn’t sound angry and I’m so taken aback that it takes me a few seconds to answer.

“Uh, I’m fine – I’m getting better” I answer truthfully.

“Good. I trust that I don’t need to tell you that you screwed up?” she asks bluntly.

I find myself smiling at her question, “No. I know I fucked up. But I’m working on it. I’m divorcing Jeremy and I’m going to a therapist” I tell her.

“Seriously?” Carli asks, disbelief evident in her voice.

“Yes. I’m serious this time. I want to be there for the team. I want to be better. For myself and for the team. For the people who have never given up on me” I tell her, hoping she understands that I mean her.

“I’m proud of you Hope” Carli says after a few seconds.

I sigh in relief, “Thanks Carl” I say, “Now you’re going to kick ass today right?”

Carli laughs, “Of course. We don’t want the rest of the world thinking they can actually play with us do we?” she jokes.

I smile, “Of course not! USA!” I say.

I hear Carli laugh through the phone and then someone yell her name, “I’ve got to go. It was really good to hear from you though Hope. Don’t be a stranger” she says.

“I know. I’ll call more. Thanks Carls, good luck today” I tell her seriously.

“Thanks. Bye Hope” Carli says.

“Bye” I say, ending the call.

I sigh in relief as the line goes dead. Carli doesn’t hate me. Maybe I really can come back from this. I smile to myself as I click on the TV to watch the pregame.

I spend the rest of the day watching soccer and cleaning up around the house. The team wins 1-0 and Alex got our only goal. It was a pretty good game and I’m proud of the team for bouncing back after the loss against France a few days before.

I’m in the middle of cooking dinner when Kelley calls me. I had been expecting her call for the last hour or so but had finally caved and started making dinner. She always seems to call me when I’m about to eat.

“Hey Kell” I say, answering the phone and balancing it between my ear and shoulder as I finish cutting the chicken to go with my pasta.

“Hey did you watch the game?” she asks, getting straight to the point.

I laugh, “I’m good, thanks for asking, how are you?” I joke.

“Yeah, yeah. Did you watch or not?” she asks and I can hear the smile in her voice.

“Of course I watched” I tell her, waiting for her to ask what I know she wants to ask.

“Well what did you think?” she asks impatiently.

“The team played well. Definitely better than you played against France. Alex’s goal was great and Ashlyn played really well. Make sure you tell her I’m proud of her. Overall I think –“

“Hope!” Kelley interrupts me.

I laugh but give in, hearing the frustration in her voice, “You played great Kell. I know you weren’t in very long but you made an impact. Your time is coming, just keep working hard.”

I hear her sigh in relief on the other end of the phone, “thanks Hope” she says quietly.

“Anytime Kelley. Now shouldn’t you be out celebrating?” I ask, cursing as I turn around to see the pasta water boiling over.

“We’re going out in a few minutes but maybe I should ask what you’re doing? Whatever it is it sounds dangerous” Kelley says.

I can picture the smirk on her face as I quickly poor the noodles in the water and stir it to prevent it from boiling over any more.

“I’m making dinner” I tell her, continuing to stir the pasta.

“So I was right, something dangerous” she says.

“I’m a very good cook thank you very much” I tell her, rolling my eyes.

“Sure you are” she retorts.

“Come over for dinner when you guys get back. I’ll show you how good of a cook I am” I tell her, not thinking about what I’m offering.

“You’re on Solo. You make dinner and I’ll make dessert. We’ll see who’s better” Kelley challenges.

“Bring it O’Hara” I say, smiling at how easily everything turns into a competition with her.

Kelley laughs, “I have to go Hope but I’ll talk to you later. I’ll see you when we get back so I can kick your ass at cooking!”

“Whatever you say O’Hara. Have fun, bye” I say, hanging up the phone with the sound of her laughter still echoing in my head.

I spend the rest of the night thinking about Kelley and how much I now want to cook for her. To impress her. And just be with her.

I fall asleep that night feeling happier than I’ve felt in a long time.

 

 

 

2 days later I’m just making lunch after getting back from my first therapy appointment when I hear someone knock on my door. _Who the hell is here?_ I think to myself as I put the bread down on the counter and walk towards the door. I unlock the door, opening it to find a smiling Kelley O’Hara standing on the other side. My jaw drops.

I’m so surprised that I say the first thing that comes to my mind, “What are you doing here?” I ask, cringing when my brain catches up to my mouth.

“Good to see you too, can I come in?” Kelley says, still smiling.

“What? Oh, um yeah of course” I say, stepping aside and letting Kelley walk past me into the house.

Kelley walks past me into the living room and I slowly shut the door before following her into my own house, still trying to get over the shock that she’s actually here. She drops a bag on the floor by the couch, causing me to jump and breaking me from whatever trance I was stuck in. I didn’t even realize she had a bag.

“So um, not that I’m not glad to see you but what are you doing here?” I ask, hoping that my words came out less bitchy than they sounded in my head.

“Well if I remember correctly my cooking skills were challenged so I had to come defend myself” Kelley says, smirking.

I smile, of course that’s why she’s here. There is nothing going on between us. I don’t like Kelley O’Hara. She is my teammate. My friend. Nothing else.

“Well then I hope you’re prepared to lose” I finally say, hoping that she didn’t notice my lengthy pause.

“You’re the one who will be losing” Kelley says, flopping down unceremoniously on my couch.

“We’ll see about that” I say, sitting down next to her, my lunch forgotten in the kitchen.

“I’ve missed you Hope” Kelley says about an hour later from her place next to me on the couch where we’ve been sitting and talking since she got here.

I smile, “I’ve missed you too Kell” I tell her, leaving out the fact that I’ve missed her in a different way than I’m sure she’s missed me.

Kelley opens her mouth to say something else but my stomach growls, causing her to burst into laughter.

“Hungry?” she gets out between laughs, ignoring the glare I’m sending her way that has been known to cause grown men to run away from me.

I nod, trying to keep myself from smiling as I get up to walk to the kitchen, finally remembering that I was in the middle of making a sandwich when Kelley got here. I can hear footsteps behind me and know that Kelley has controlled her laughter and is following me into the kitchen. I sigh when I realize that I left the lunch meat out and it’s now ruined. I pick it up and toss it in the trash just as Kelley is walking into the kitchen.

“Why are you throwing that out?” she asks, leaning against the counter in front of me.

“Because it’s been sitting out for over an hour” I say, distractedly as I open the fridge, trying to find something else to make. I look around for a few seconds before sighing and shutting the door. I don’t have any food. I was planning on going shopping after lunch but that obviously didn’t happen.

“Were you making lunch when I got here?” Kelley asks, finally putting together the clues, and honestly between the bread on the counter, the ruined meat and my stomach growling I’m surprised it took her this long.

“Yes and I now have no food so do you want to go out? And then we can go grocery shopping on the way home” I say, not realizing that I just called it home or how domestic that sentence sounded.

I cringe when I realize what I said but luckily Kelley doesn’t seem to notice.

“Sure” she says, slipping on her shoes and grabbing her Stanford sweatshirt from where she tossed it on the back of the couch when she walked in.

“Where do you want to go?” I ask when we’re both in the car after realizing that I can’t start driving until we decide where to go.

“We’re in your town, you tell me” Kelley says, reaching for the radio dial, flipping through the stations before settling on a country station playing a Luke Bryan song.

“Really Kell? Luke Bryan? We’re listening to country?” I ask, looking behind me as I pull out of the driveway to head towards the main part of town, figuring that we can decide where to eat when we get there.

“I’m from Georgia I’m required to like country” Kelley says, “And you obviously don’t hate it as much as you’d like me to think if you knew that was Luke Bryan” she adds when the song fades out.

I blush, “Uh…I may have heard it before…flipping through the stations…when Carli was here” I say, staring straight ahead at the road.

Kelley laughs and it takes all of my strength to keep my focus on the road instead of turning to look at her like I want to.

“It’s okay Hope I won’t tell the team that you secretly like country music” Kelley says and I can hear the smirk in her voice.

I decide not to respond and listen to her singing along to the Carrie Underwood song coming through the speakers. She’s so cute. Wait no. I mean I can think my friends are cute right? Because that’s what we are. Friends. Just friends.

I sigh quietly and pull into the parking lot of a little Italian restaurant that I like, turning off the engine and opening my door before I have the chance to embarrass myself any further.

Kelley gets out of the car and follows me into the restaurant. We follow the waitress to a small booth in the corner and sit down across from each other. I try to busy myself looking at the menu but I’ve been here so many times that I practically know it by heart. After a few seconds I give up and let myself look at Kelley over the top of my menu as discreetly as I can.

She’s so beautiful. And she actually cares about me. I mean who else would come here to check on me. And she’s talked to me almost every day since I’ve been suspended. I can’t fuck this up.

“Hi I’m Mary, what can I get you girls?” the waitress asks, interrupting my thoughts.

I blink a few times before shifting my focus to the tall blonde woman standing in front of us.

“I’ll have the lasagna” I say, ordering my usual since I was too distracted by Kelley to actually think about what I wanted.

“And what can I get you beautiful?” she asks, turning to Kelley, smiling and twirling her hair.

She’s flirting with Kelley. My Kelley. My jaw immediately clenches and I stare daggers into the side of her head until she walks away, not even entirely realizing I’m doing it until Kelley calls me out.

“Hope are you okay?” Kelley asks when the waitress walks away.

“Fine” I say through clenched teeth.

“Then why were you giving the waitress your famous Solo death glare?” she asks, reaching across the table and rubbing her hand over mine to get me to unfurl my hand that I’ve clenched into a fist.

I didn’t even realize my hands had formed fists. I immediately relax with her touch.

“She was flirting with you” I say, hoping she doesn’t pick up on the jealousy that I suddenly realize is probably obvious.

Kelley smiles, “I can handle a friendly waitress Hope” she says, still rubbing her thumb across the back of my hand, “Besides I’m not interested in her.”

My heart soars as the words leave her mouth. She couldn’t possibly be interested in me could she? No. That’s crazy.

I push the thought from my head and focus on enjoying the rest of our lunch.

The rest of the day passes without incident. We finish eating and then head to the grocery store, taking way longer than I would have if I was alone but when we get home I realize that I’ve never had more fun doing something as mundane as grocery shopping. That night we watch a movie and I show Kelley to the guest room even though I know she knows where it is. She’s stayed here before. When Sky Blue played the Reign. And she shared the room with Alex when I had a team barbeque.

I say goodnight to Kelley and head to my room, resigned to spending the night overanalyzing everything and getting very little sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright here's the last chapter. Let me know what you think and thanks for reading!

The next morning I wake up from a fitful sleep to the smell of coffee. My brow furrows as I realize that Kelley must have gotten up before me. She never gets up early. What is she doing?

I pull on an old UW sweatshirt and pad into the kitchen towards the wonderful smell of coffee. Kelley is sitting at the table, a coffee cup in her hands just staring off into space. I pour myself a cup of coffee and sit down next to her but she doesn’t look at me. She doesn’t even seem like she noticed that I was in the room. Is she okay?

“Kell?” I say, gently putting my hand on her arm to get her attention.

She jumps and finally looks at me. Her eyes are watery.

“Kelley what’s wrong?” I ask, going over everything that happened yesterday in my head trying to figure out what could have happened between now and then.

Kelley doesn’t say anything and that only increases my fears.

“Kelley talk to me. Please” I practically beg.

Kelley just shakes her head. My heart breaks when I see the first tear fall down her face and I pull her into a hug. As soon as my arms are around her it’s like the flood gates open and suddenly she’s sobbing, her body shaking in my arms.

We sit like that for what seems like hours but is really only about 15 minutes before my shoulder starts to hurt and I know I can’t stay in this position much longer. Kelley’s sobs aren’t as intense anymore so I pull back just enough to stand up and pick her up, walking to the couch and taking her with me. I sit down laying her down next to me with her head in my lap.

I spend the next 30 minutes running my fingers lightly through her hair. She finally falls asleep and I extract myself from under her as carefully as I can, putting a pillow under her head where my lap was previously and covering her with a blanket before practically sprinting to my room to get my phone and running back to the living room where I left Kelley. I don’t want to leave her in case she wakes up.

After checking to make sure that she’s still asleep I move into the kitchen where I can still see her but my phone call won’t wake her up. Taking a deep breath I click on Alex’s name in my phone. Sure Alex and I are friends, I’m friends with everyone on the team, but we aren’t the kind of friends that randomly call each other. But I guess this isn’t really random.

“Hello” Alex says on the other end of the phone, breaking me out of my thoughts.

“Uh hey Alex, it’s uh Hope” I say, cringing at the fact that I can’t even form a coherent sentence.

Alex laughs, “Yeah I know. I have your number Hope.”

“Oh right, yeah. Well anyways I’m just going to get right to the point, did you know Kelley was coming here?” I ask, my eyes drifting back to Kelley as I watch the steady rise and fall of her chest.

Alex pauses, “I knew she was considering it” she says slowly.

“Look Alex I just need to know what’s wrong with her. And if I should be calling someone else” I say, not wanting to talk circles around whatever is going on.

Alex clearly knows but I’m not sure she wants to tell me. She needs to though. I deserve to know. Kelley just broke down in my arms. Kelley who is always happy.

I hear Alex sigh, “Give me a minute to go somewhere a little more private” she says.

“Okay” I reply, taking a drink of my now barely warm coffee.

I glance at Kelley’s cup next to mine and sigh before picking it up and going to dump it down the sink.

“Okay, look Hope I can’t tell you everything, I can’t betray Kelley’s trust. Why don’t you tell me what happened and then I can decide what to tell you and what to let her tell you herself” Alex says.

“She showed up at my door yesterday afternoon. We just hung out, we got lunch, went grocery shopping, came back watched a movie, had dinner, talked, normal stuff. She seemed fine yesterday. Then this morning she got up before me, which never happens, I’ve roomed with her at camp before. I walked into the kitchen and she was just staring into space. I tried to ask her what was wrong but she wouldn’t answer me. Finally I just hugged her and she broke down. She cried for almost an hour before she finally fell asleep. She’s asleep on the couch now” I tell Alex, hoping that whatever is wrong with Kelley isn’t something that I did.

Alex doesn’t say anything for a few seconds and I start to panic, “Alex? Did I do something? Maybe you should come here. You’re in Portland right? That’s not that far” I say, my mind racing a mile a minute.

“Hope” Alex says cutting me off, “I don’t need to come there. You can handle it. Look I’m going to tell you something, without all of the details, but you cannot tell Kelley that I told you. And you have to let her tell you when she’s ready. And I swear to god Hope if you hurt her I’ll kill you. I’m trusting you here.”

“You can trust me Alex. I know that I haven’t done much to deserve yours or anyone else’s trust lately but I’m working on it, I swear. I separated from Jeremey and the divorce papers are being drawn up already. I’m going to therapy. You can trust me. And I would never hurt Kelley. I couldn’t. It would kill me” I finish my rant and take another drink of my coffee just to have something to do with my hands.

“Kelley likes someone. And she doesn’t like if that person likes her back. I think they do. And I told her that. But I also told her to be careful because the person she likes has a lot of baggage. She wants to tell the person but she’s scared. Of a lot of things. Of what the person will say, of what other people will say, of getting hurt, of hurting that person, of messing up her soccer career, of getting in trouble. There are so many things that could go wrong and Kelley knows that but she can’t help liking this person. And it’s starting to get to her. So just give her time and hopefully she’ll tell you herself” Alex says.

My heart is breaking when Alex finishes talking. Kelley likes someone. I knew my chances with her weren’t good but I still had hope until now.

“Who is he?” I ask after a few seconds.

Alex doesn’t answer right away and I’m confused by her pause, “I can’t tell you who it is. That’s up to her to tell you” she finally says.

I didn’t think she would tell me but it was worth a shot. I rub my hands over my face, “So what do I do when she wakes up?” I ask.

“Just be there for her. Make sure she knows that you care about her and that she can tell you when she’s ready. You do care about her right?” Alex asks.

“Yes. Of course.” I say definitively.

“Good. Now I have to go, Tobin and I are going out for lunch. Call me if anything else happens” Alex replies.

“I will. Thanks Alex” I tell her.

“You’re welcome. And Hope?” Alex asks.

“Yeah?” I answer.

“The team misses you” she says.

For the first time that morning I smile, “thanks Alex.”

“Bye Hope” Alex says, hanging up the phone.

After I hang up with Alex I walk back into the living room to check on Kelley. She’s still asleep so I go back to the kitchen to start making breakfast hoping that the smell of food will wake her.

I make an omelet for each of us and brew another pot of coffee. As I’m putting the omelets on plates Kelley walks into the kitchen. Her eyes are puffy and red and she still isn’t smiling.

“I made omelets” I say, gesturing to the plates, not knowing what else to say.

She nods and grabs both cups of coffee before going to sit down at the table.

I follow her, placing her omelet in front of her and sitting down.

“Thanks”

We eat in silence for a while but after a few minutes I can’t stand the silence anymore.

“Want to tell me what’s going on?” I ask tentatively.

She sighs, “I don’t even know where to start” she says, putting her fork down.

“Why don’t you start with why you came here? Because as much as I know you don’t want your cooking skills challenged I know that can’t be the only reason you flew all the way to Seattle on your time off when you could’ve gone home. Is it something at home? Is everything okay with your family?” I ask.

“My family is fine. It has nothing to do with them” she says quietly.

“Then what is it?” I ask.

Kelley starts to fidget with her fingers and that’s when I know that whatever this is, it’s serious. Kelley never fidgets. Yeah she’s always moving but she doesn’t just mindlessly fidget. Suddenly I’m worried all over again.

“Kell talk to me. Please?” I practically beg.

I watch as she takes a deep breath before opening her mouth, “I came because I missed you. And I have something I need to tell you.”

I smile, “I missed you too Kelley. What do you want to tell me?” I ask.

She looks down, “Did you know that I’m bisexual?” she says so quietly I’m not sure I heard her right at first.

I’m silent for a few seconds, just trying to make sure I heard her right. Is that really what she wanted to tell me? I don’t say anything until I see her eyes start to water again.

“Is that what you wanted to tell me? Cause Kell, I don’t care. You’re still the same Kelley” I say quickly, trying to reassure her.

She finally looks up and gives me a watery smile causing me to sigh in relief.

“Really?” she asks and her voice sounds so hopeful that I almost break.

“Really.” I tell her, reaching over a squeezing her hand, “Was that all you wanted to tell me?”

“No” she says, pulling her hand away and looking down again.

“Kell you can tell me anything” I tell her, “I’ll always be here for you. Hell how could I not be with all you’ve done for me? You’re the only person who’s really been there for me since my suspension. You’re the only person who always believed in me. Well you and Carli. But you kept me sane.”

“If I tell you it could change everything” Kelley says without looking up.

“Nothing you say could change how I feel about you. You’re one of the only people I’ve opened up to in my life and I trust you completely. I care about you and nothing you say is going to change that” I tell her.

“Unless you tell me you hate the Seahawks. Then we can’t be friends anymore” I joke, trying to lighten the mood.

Kelley finally looks up and gives me a small smile. Yes! It worked. I smile.

“Just tell me. Everything will be fine, I promise.”

Kelley takes another deep breath and casts her eyes down. She’s scared about whatever she’s trying to tell me. She won’t look at me. What does she think I’m going to do? I would never hurt her.

“I like someone. No, it’s more than that. I think I’m falling in love with them. But everyone keeps telling me that they’ll only hurt me. That they have to work out their own shit before they can even think about a relationship. And I know they’re right but I think I can help. I want to help. And it’s getting harder for me to stay away from them no matter how much everyone tells me to” she says, just loud enough for me to hear.

Who the hell is she talking about? Some of what she said sounds like me but it couldn’t be. She doesn’t like me. Alex would have told me. Right? I need to know.

“Kell who is it?” I ask, my voice quivering.

“And they were married” Kelley says, ignoring my question, “So I just had to ignore my feelings for so long but now they aren’t and I’m happy for them because they’re better off but it hasn’t even been that long so how can I expect them to want to jump into another relationship? Alex is right. They have a lot to work through in their own life without me piling my feelings in. But it’s hurting me. Alex was right about that too. I have to figure out how to stop the pain and the only way I can think of to do that is to tell them.”

Oh my god. It really is me. Kelley likes me. I must be dreaming. I need to hear her actually say the words.

“Kelley. Who is it?” I ask again.

Finally Kelley looks up, “You” she says quietly her eyes starting hopefully up at me, but in my head it’s as if she shouted it from the roof.

Suddenly I’m replaying all of our interactions from the last few months in my head and it just makes sense. When I told her about my suspension and we were talking about Jeremey she told me to do whatever was best for me not anyone else; when I called her before the France game and she knew what I was feeling without me having to say it, how she can read me better than anyone; how she called me when she got drunk because she didn’t play in the France game instead of going to any one of our teammates who she’s good friends with, instead of going to Alex; how I’m the one she wanted to talk to after the England game. It all makes sense now.

I realize that I’ve been silent too long when I see her start to look down. She opens her mouth, to take it back or apologize or something else just as ridiculous when I reach out and lightly grab her face, pulling her into a kiss.

I pull back a few seconds later with a shit eating grin on my face. I’ve never felt like that before when I kissed someone. It was perfect.

“I think I’m falling in love with you too” I tell her.

If it’s even possible my smile gets even wider when I see her face light up.

“Yes” I tell her, laughing.

“Do you really think we can do this?” she asks.

“I do. I’ve never felt this way before and I know that we can get through anything as long as we’re together. You’re so damn good for me. You weren’t even here the last month and you’ve still helped me so much. You made me realize that Jeremey wasn’t good for me. You made me want to get better not only for you and for the team but for myself. You’re the only person who’s ever looked at me and not seen me as broken. We can do this” I tell her sincerely.

“You’re not broken. You’re unbroken. And you’re right. We can do this” Kelley says, smiling.

I burst out laughing, “You’re so cheesy” I manage to get out in between laughs.

“You love it” she jokes, kissing me again lightly.

I sigh happily when she pulls back, “I do.”


End file.
